For God's sake, people.

Walk on the right side of the sidewalk.

Just like when you're driving.

Tags: social contract
Current Location: 909

I had some baby carrots at work the other day as a midmorning snack.

They gave me heartburn or something.

My buddy said, "Shit. It's too early for carrots."

I'm at that age, I guess.

When there is such a thing as too early for carrots.

Tags: carrots
Current Location: 909

A couple weeks ago, I got my hair cut a little shorter than usual.

But now I need another haircut sooner.

Well played, Cost Cutters. Well-played.

Tags: haircut
Current Location: 909

I'm also in the middle of trying to eat the food that's in the house, rather than go to the store, which means I'm working my way through a giant bag of chicken breasts from Costco.

I love cooking chicken. It's always such a crapshoot. Either it's too dry, or you get salmonella.

Salmonella, incidentally, is over-rated. I've been trying to catch it for years, with no luck whatsoever.

Tags: chicken
Current Location: 909

Once or twice a year, I get an urge to eat a lot of salad.

That was this weekend. Probably the most nutritious thing I've eaten in months.


Thankfully, it passes.

Tags: salad days
Current Location: 909

In college, we had a Cracker CD.

One of the songs had a chorus: "Happy, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me, and to you."

We used to record it on our answering machines.

Now, I don't even have an answering machine.

Or CDs, for that matter.

Tags: bday
Current Location: 909

At the other end of the hall in my building, we have a new neighbor.


The other night, she was doing something (not sure what) in her condo, and set off the fire sprinkler system.

So the sprinklers are grouped in blocks of four, so the units around hers were soaked, too.

Meanwhile, I'm twenty feet down the hall and don't hear a thing.

How does that happen?

Tags: flood
Current Location: 909

it's a good idea to trim your nose hair with the end of your razor.

It's not.

This thing is still bleeding.

Tags: bad idea
Current Location: 909

I stopped to get gas this morning. The station was full. All dudes.

At one end of the station, there were some cement guys working around one of the pumps. One of them fired up a jackhammer. I'm a guy, so I'm staring at it, remembering being a kid, wanting to do that.

Every other guy is doing the same thing. I looked around; we were like those pictures of penguins, facing the same direction.

But here's the kicker--the other cement guys were all looking at us. In exactly the same fashion.

I was thinking maybe we could have all switched places for a day.

Tags: greener
Current Location: 909

I'm trying to sleep last night. I hear the neighbors going at it. It's pretty loud. Crescendo, falling action, denouement.

Ten minutes later, I hear them going at it again.

And a third time.


Then I realize it's my ice maker, cranking out a new batch.

Tags: i make ice
Current Location: 909